I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
