What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He kissed a someone with a penis
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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