Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
