i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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