Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
