TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
