Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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