Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
