I'm jealous of your bromance
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
