There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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