I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
