I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
