Have you finally orgasmed yet?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
