I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
