I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
