Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
