wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
