Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
