Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
