You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
