i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was like eating out sand paper
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
