if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize