it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
