just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
