She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
