come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
