but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
