i just wanna soil my oats bro
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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