She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
