After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
