Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
