what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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