Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
