dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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