saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
