I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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