remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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