love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
