Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
