i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
