Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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