We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
