Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
