I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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