I heard we made out
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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