even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
