I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize