No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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