i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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