I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize