You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
