So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my shit smells like andre
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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