The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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