we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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