Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
