I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
