I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
