if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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