i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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