you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
