I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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