don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
