is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
