she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
